Tag Archives: words

{happy birthday to me!}

22 Nov

mebeach-2

looking forward to a healthy year… mind, body, and spirit.


i want to take a moment to sincerely thank you all for being a part of my life. for taking the time to read what i write, for enjoying my fotos, for your emails, your comments, your jokes, and your love. i appreciate every word and interaction and cherish each one dearly. some of you have been along for the ride since the very beginning… and it just means so much to me to have you here! ❤

{a personal post : bye bye 2014, my last blog for a little while, happy new year, 2015 – 8, new beginnings, cycles, the universe, etc etc…}

31 Dec

wow.

so i’m sitting here… alone… with my baba black lager. it’s new year’s eve. the last day of 2014. the final day in this calendar  year… 2014 was a numerology #7. 2015 will be a numerology #8. i could write a whole blog about the significance of numbers, etc. i just think cycles are so interesting… cycles of all kinds… the seasons, numbers, etc.

does anyone else get all weird on this day? like, it’s just another day really… but somehow i find the energy to be soooooo … intense. in many ways.

like, i woke up restless – what’s that about? and i slept for like, 9 hours last night.

oh yeah, it’s not just because it’s new year’s eve… it’s because things are changing… again. at least for me, personally… in my life, everything is changing… including where i live… i’m saying good-bye to the tiny home… with a bittersweet feeling in my heart.

you know they say that the only constant in life is change. how funny is that!? like, well – you can guarantee this – stuff’s gonna be different tomorrow. not everything will be different, but a lot of it will… because that’s how life rolls… it doesn’t care if we are ready for the change or not… it just keeps on changing. people change, astrology changes, rules change, the weather changes, laws change, … most things around us do NOT stay the same… including the people in our lives, and those we love.

so what’s my point? 

i dunno, maybe i don’t have one. maybe i just wanted to sit down in front of my computer and keep it real with you readers… and myself.  maybe i’m tired of trying to “keep it together” all the time… as in, always having the perfect thing to say and taking so much time to think about how to express myself… because i’m so scared of being misunderstood. maybe i just wanted to be spontaneous and sit down and write while i felt the desire, the thoughts flowing, the keys being struck with force and purpose… maybe i want to just say whatever i feel and not be worried about how everyone else is gonna perceive it…

maybe i’m just feeling the baba… 😉

so how do you feel about the idea that the only thing we can be sure of is that things change… how does that make you feel? is it comforting to know that with each moonset and each sunrise, that life can end and begin all over again?!  does that give you peace to know that tomorrow… tomorrow… the sun will come out?! or does it make you kinda crazy to know that you can’t ever really count on anything?! does it give you total anxiety to feel like as soon as you get comfortable with something or someone, there is damn good potential for it to morph into something else entirely and seem completely illusive?!

i feel like there is a balance… as with most things in life.

most days i’m so thankful to begin anew… to wipe clean the “yesterday” that never really exists in the first place… to wake feeling renewed and purposeful again. i learned a lot about the beauty in each new day when i lived in new york… it’s amazing how that city just doesn’t stop for anything… it doesn’t care if you didn’t get the memo, it doesn’t care if you aren’t walking fast enough, if you missed your subway stop, or if you aren’t feeling its embrace. when living there, i had to learn how to be so completely present that nothing seemed to really effect me to the point of not being able to continue to be in the moment.

my challenge this year is to get back to that space…

i’ve been practically beating my head against the wall trying to figure out where i went… what happened to the person that seemed to be able to really stay in the moment… to embrace it even when it was chaotic, unpredictable, and sometimes down-right scary.  where did that audrey go that i spent 29 years trying to find when i met her in new york?!

she didn’t go anywhere… it took me all of 2014 to realize that.

i mean, seriously. just this past week i had the total epiphany that nothing is “wrong” with me… and if there is in fact anything that i feel uncomfortable with – that I, personally, have the power to change it. i can and always do create change in my life when i am feeling a need for it. sometimes it’s not always clear to me, but it’s almost like i do things without even thinking sometimes… and then when i’m on the other side of it, i go, “oh yeah… i see why we did this.”

i guess that’s true with everything in life… hindsight is 20/20, right?!

well, all i know is… i’m feeling more comfortable with change… dare i say, i’m embracing it. i’m not saying i love “change” during every moment while i’m in it… but i’m okay with the idea that everything seems “fleeting…” because really… if it’s true that the only constant in life is change… well, then i wanna make sure to be so immersed in each passing moment, that i love it for what it is… recognizing that it will never again be the same… that each moment really is a gift. maybe it’s not a gift wrapped in colourful paper and bows, maybe it’s not a gift we asked for… maybe it’s a gift we didn’t realize we needed.

but it’s still a gift… if we can be open to receiving it…

personally, i’m feeling happy to be letting go something while completely surrendering to something new and exciting. for me, my personal changes happen to coincide with the calendar change… but i’ve always been a firm believer that you can choose to make a change at any given moment in your life. you don’t have to have anyone validate your decision to change, you don’t have to have a party or mark it on your calendar… hell, you don’t even have to invite anyone. you can choose to make changes in your life while washing your dishes… you can choose to create a new life while driving to work… there are no rules for that. you can live life on your terms, but in order to do so, you must live life on your terms.

does THAT give you comfort?!  it sure does me… 🙂

so, as i ring in the new year and celebrate new beginnings, my heart is filled with gratitude for all the loving people, places, and things i’ve experienced. i just want to continue to hold a space of gratitude… and to be open to new things as i step boldly out of the familiar and into the unknown…

happy new year! – to each and every one of you. thank you for following my blog, for engaging and for taking time to read and give this blog purpose… i’m truly grateful to each one of you.

 p.s. – i’m not gone forever… just a temporary hiatus while i adjust to some new things… i’ll be back to blogging in no time… 

{words to live by}

27 Nov

thankfulsnow-1

——–

I’M SORRY

I LOVE YOU

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

THANK YOU

———

today, and every day…

{astrology update : mercury enters gemini}

18 Jun

hey gang, how’s your mercury retrograde treating you?

intuition

mercury retrograding in cancer teaches us this…

we are almost half way through the cycle… and now mercury has left the sign of cancer and entered his home sign of gemini…

so what does this mean?  — well, the last week or so may have presented you with issues to deal with, revisit, resolve, etc. in the following themes : home, roommates, intuition, nostalgia, mother/mother figure, childhood, emotions, security needs… these are some key themes of the sign of cancer.  perhaps you made the decision to move or make renovations in your home?  perhaps a past project came up that needed tweaking or you had an “epiphany” regarding something from your past. you may have learned to trust your intuition more, or to learn to come to terms with some emotions you are feeling… MR in cancer offers an opportunity to revisit, rework, and release in these areas of our lives… and with the full moon energy last week, this period has had amplified energy to support it, as well…

mr

now mercury is continuing his backward travel through the sign of gemini – which is where his “home” is.  for the next couple weeks we can expect to see our thoughts shift into the themes that gemini represents.  these include talks, short trips, local activities, brothers/sisters, electronics, vehicles, writing, the internet, and anything else that involves connecting or communicating.  mercury LONGS to connect, and when he is in the sign of gemini, he has the most success in doing so.  however, since he is retrograding in this sign, we can expect to see our thoughts become more introspective.  we may want to get other people’s advice or opinions on the current relevant matters in our lives.  we may revisit a writing project or rework a trip we had planned.  any vehicle or electronic issues may arise to be addressed {sorry, that IS one of the bummers about this period – i hope you backed up your computer recently!} and/or we may find people from the past showing up again to rework, reclaim, or revise a situation.  there is great opportunity during MR periods… it’s like taking a mulligan 😉

mercury retrograde periods get a bad rap – but i believe it’s because we don’t generally UNDERSTAND what they are for… and we don’t properly harness the energy presented during these times, so many of us are left feeling frustrated and wondering what happened.  which is ironic because that is precisely what mercury retrograde longs to be – UNDERSTOOD!  i can’t tell you how many times a day i catch myself thinking or saying “i just wish {that person} understood how i felt.” you may catch yourself using some of my catchphrases lately – like, “did that make sense?” or “i just want to explain it so you can understand…” or “that came out the wrong way, let me rephrase that…” or “wait, i didn’t mean to say that…”

astrology doesn’t MAKE stuff happen… it can’t cause events. but time and time again i find validity in the movements and study of the planets and their behaviour.  being natal mercury retrograde, i have a unique and tremendously accurate understanding of how this planet’s movements effect our lives in a major way.  perception is EVERYTHING in life – and it can be to our benefit or to our detriment.  this has been my biggest lesson during this current MR period.  i guess it all goes back to being true to who you are.  we are not all the same – we are very uniquely different.  but i believe that the ways in which we are the same can bring us together and allow us to be ourselves, as individuals… if we could just simply change the way we look at things – at life.

every puzzle piece has importance, significance, and relevance – we just don’t and CAN’T all have the same design, function, or purpose – we must each bring our own individual strengths to the group, the collective, the puzzle itself.  and we should never try force a puzzle piece to change its shape… we simply can’t. and besides, then it wouldn’t fit in the puzzle, anyway – you dig?!

thank you for reading, and for your support – it means the world to me!  and please let me know any thoughts you have or feelings you wish to share… i love hearing from you!  and don’t forget, i also am available for hire to conduct natal astrology interpretations.

 

 

{“it is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled…” – mark twain}

18 May

fooled-1

 

 

 

{a personal post – HSP}

5 Apr

hey gang.  hope you’re enjoying the weekend.

i unfortunately have not been sleeping very well at all this week and am extremely tired and worn out.  i look forward to resting this weekend, and doing not much of anything else…

my brain has been on overdrive, due to this lack of sleep and i’m sure a hundred other physiological aspects that come along with it… and i’ve just been in a lousy headspace today. when i don’t sleep well for several days, i can’t function.  as i’ve mentioned in the past, i’ve battled with insomnia for most of my adult life. i’ve found ways to “cope” but ultimately it’s an ongoing process.  sometimes things keep me awake, sometimes i just don’t sleep well. it just depends. point is, today my brain is so tired and yet it’s trying so desperately to think, that it’s focusing on stupid crap.

however – it did get me thinking and researching more about a term i’ve been familiar with but hadn’t thought about much until a friend mentioned it the other day.

HSP – Highly Sensitive Person.

google it, it’s a very real thing. even oprah talked about it on her show once, so the mainstream is accepting it, as well. and, wouldn’t you know – i, myself, am an HSP. Continue reading

{“stray cats” – a special sunday post}

23 Mar

so – pretty much everyone knows that i used to live in new york city for about 3 years… part of me is {no doubt} still there, and always was and will be.  i miss it every day, but i have to trust my heart that i left when i was supposed to leave. the memories i made there were so special, so irreplaceable, and so life-changing that i reflect on my experiences often.  in fact, i know that i need to start writing more about them.

aside from being an old soul, i’ve always enjoyed the company of older people… even when i was young, most of my friends were older than me. when i was in manhattan, i lived with a spry, lively, hilarious sagittarius who was more than twice my age, and we were the best of friends.  don’t misunderstand – she could keep up with any 30-something i knew! i often don’t speak of her directly, nor do i of many of my friends, out of respect for their privacy.  however, this week i just had to post something in honour of the news i received from my former roommate in NYC.

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this foto was taken in 2010 at our favourite spot, quigley’s, which is now closed. we frequented “quig’s” at least once a week, sometimes more – depending on fun events like mardis gras.  it was like our own personal “cheers” – everyone knew our name. the lady across from me in the foto is my lovely former roommate and still very close friend… we’ll call her “JG”.  the gentleman next to her is the quintessential new-yorker with the best sense of humour.  the gentleman behind me just lost his battle with cancer this week. his wife, behind him, recently had the same fate last year. i like to refer to them as the “IRISH” – because they are.

these people had a HOUSE in my heart.  not just a room, a house.  the couple that lost their lives to cancer were like family to me. quite literally – they invited JG and i over for every holiday dinner. most of JG’s family didn’t live in NYC, and obviously none of mine did either.  after a while, it became a running joke to call us “the stray cats” because we would just wander over for dinners, as they always invited us and made us feel like family.  the IRISH had a home business and they even hired me to take some fotos for their marketing.  these people were just so special to me.  when i found out about MISTER IRISH’s death, a part of my heart died, too.  that may sound morbid, but that’s how special these people were to me.  i never got sick of hearing stories about how they fell in love, or how much they remembered about the city changing, or how they knew about the “best little bakery in town” — or just their warm, kind, open, and loving spirits. it chokes me up to think about how special the IRISH’s are/were and just how blessed i am to have met them and been so immersed in their lives {and vice versa}.

things i miss most : morning paddle tennis games with a cup of coffee from the bodega downstairs, long chats in the living room with evening light drenching all the furniture, my endlessly-full wine glass, their amazing taste in art – particularly that italian painting above the kitchen table – i was obsessed with it!!!… what i’ll miss most is the way i felt whenever i left their presence… just so enriched!

so, in honour of the IRISH family, and my lovely former roommate JG – i bought these simple and gorgeous magenta carnations… they are JG’s favourite flowers.  i’d often buy them for her, since there are flower shops on every corner in new york. yesterday i bought them in honour of her, as well.  she stayed by IRISH’s side in his last days, and told him “the stray cats love you” — that meant a lot to me, since i couldn’t be there to say goodbye.  i also love carnations because they may be the ‘bottom of the totem pole” when it comes to flowers, but they last so long and they smell incredible and they will remind me of all the amazing memories i had in NYC with IRISH and JG.

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heaven has another angel… and i know he’s being greeted with endless amounts of love.

thank you for reading.  have a beautiful sunday – and just please go out and share a little love… with the ones you love, and even with the ones you don’t.  the world just needs more of it.

xxoo

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