{wordy wednesday} – the man in the mirror

“i’m starting with the man in the mirror, i’m asking him to change his ways – and no message could’ve been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that CHANGE!”

— michael jackson, lyrical genius.

———

well, it’s wordy wednesday.  and i have a lot to say this time.  it’s been quite a week. a HUGE full moon last wednesday and i’m not talking viewable by a telescope huge, i mean like – effect me on all levels huge.  i have always talked about how i am a huge astrology buff.  i follow zoe moon astrology, and you should too!  she’s fantastic and always right on!  astrology and horoscopes are NOT exactly the same.  i’m not saying i follow my horoscope and freak out if “my crush” doesn’t ask me out even though my horoscope said it would.  i’m talking about astrology – a study of the movements of the planets.  it’s a very in-depth and fascinating field that i have studied more and more as time has gone on… also, i am very “in tune” with the planetary changes.  and i FELT this last full moon like, with major force.  it was intense!!!

anyway, without deterring too much from the main topic of today’s wordy wednesday – there is an event wrapping up today called “mercury retrograde” – you can google it yourself or ask me some questions if you have them – but basically, mercury was the messenger god, he is the planet that rules communication.  so – all things travel, telephone, computer, mail, electronics, etc.  are all effected when he is retrograde, or in other words, appearing to be going backward.  all the aforementioned means of communication are effected.  so, have you had any misunderstandings over the last 3 weeks?  any car trouble?  did your phone spazz out or did you lose that important document?!  have you had to reschedule a trip or deal with delays?!  these all seem like annoying things, but in the grand scheme of it, mercury comes along as a chance to revisit some things as well – a “do-over” if you will.  i recently discovered that when i was born, we were under a mercury retrograde period.  while “normal” people tend to be effected and have scattered, unclear thoughts or trouble making decisions during this time — me?  i thrive in it. because i was born under MR, i am even more naturally withdrawn and am a major internal thinker.  that’s during the 80% of the year mercury is NOT retrograde.  when it IS, i become more clear, my thoughts aren’t scattered, and i have actually found i’m the most creative and inspired – particularly with the blog and with writing.  just one more thing that makes me feel weird and a different – but i love it! 🙂

MR happens about 3 times a year and lasts for 3 weeks… today, he goes direct – so, we’re “back to normal” so-to-speak.  did you learn anything over the last 3 weeks?  did you revisit a past love or release one?!  did something become more clear?  did something blindside you and thus, create major change in your life?! well, mercury does that. and i’m starting to like and appreciate him more and more…

i digress.

when i started researching my chart more and i discovered more about me, i started to discover things i already knew about myself, but i also started to like those things i knew about myself.  when i read more about astrology and am able to understand the natal chart, i’m able to understand what makes a person tick. your personality is complex – you don’t just say, “i am a quick learner” and think that nothing will ever be hard to pick up or understand.  you don’t just say “i am emotional most days” and expect that to mean that you don’t have a backbone or that you can’t make rational decisions.

i’m a myriad of perplexing contradictions.  we all are.  which is why you catch yourself fighting with your mate because you see habits you didn’t realize were there.  or why you get confused at your own self sometimes, when you change and realize you don’t like ranch dressing anymore, you’re more of a catalina girl. computer engineer?! – no, farmer tends to resonate more, now. every bit of who you are is {i believe} predetermined when you are born. your natal chart is your spiritual blueprint, if you will. at least for me it has been.  so when i discovered the bit about mercury retrograde, i began to understand why it is… that i am seemingly always misunderstood.  now, i’m not saying that someone can never change or habits are set in stone forever, etc. i’m saying the exact opposite, in fact – because i myself, have experienced major personal change and growth in the last year… i’m just saying that it takes all kinds.  and i appreciate diversity in life.  quite frankly, i’m grateful for those choleric personalities that get $h!t done – then i can step in with my melancholy personality and smooth things over, keeping everyone happy. we each thrive in our own glory.

remember a couple weeks ago when i was talking about being that mirror? how we are all the same – there is a common makeup that we all share, and we are all equal in that regard.  now, you may be amazingly good at say, crisis aversion… or, you may excel at a career with numbers or electronics.  me?  i suck at those things.  i am fully aware of my shortcomings. and every day i seem to discover more, but with that i also discover and fine-tune what it is i’m great at.  and the biggest “skill” i have – my largest personality advocate is my empathy.  it is a gift.

i have seen it as a curse for most of my life.  who would want to “understand” and “see” everything around them – good or bad.  who would want to “feel” other people’s energies and issues, regardless of if they want to be honest with you about them.  who would want that?  well, i apparently begged for it when incarnating to this plane this time.  and i spent the early part of my years not knowing how to channel it, and mostly just feeling “bad” for everything all the time.  or i’d apologize where it wasn’t necessary.  or i’d approach a situation with a timid mindset, assuming that i let someone down or wasn’t good enough or… whatever!!!  all that energy from everyone clouded my own thoughts and feelings. i absorb the energy of those around me, and at a young age – that is very confusing. guilt played a huge part in my fight with empathy. how could i just sit and let someone be hurt or upset or have less than me… without giving something of my own or sacrificing a part of me for them… it didn’t seem feasible to have this gift and not lose myself in the process.

until like, a week ago.

i don’t know what happened, something switched.  something inside me has transformed.  i saw that reflection, i looked in that mirror.  i’ve looked in that mirror a hundred thousand times – it’s still me.  the same face.  some days i’m smiling when i look in the mirror, and some days i’m not.  some days i really don’t like what i see.  and some days, i see me.

people CAN change.  one just has to want to change.  and i’ve been wanting to change for a while now.  the cleanse helped a lot – it did reset my body and my cycle and all kinds of things – i feel anew in part because of that.  but it’s also like literally something switched. for one, i think i hit rock bottom.  i mean, really.  there wasn’t much farther down i could go… so now, it’s only uphill from here.  my chance for a do-over, a reset, a new beginning – it has been granted.  you know what else?  i cleansed all the stones in my home with the full moon last week, including myself.  i burned sage in the moonlight all over everything, it was beautiful.  i released in more ways than one that night and i haven’t been the same since.  it’s nice to have a moment to look back on and say, “oh yeah, that was that time when… i was never the same again.”  it’s empowering.

i feel empowered.

and that’s what i needed to feel all along.  i missed that most about living in new york. i really hit my stride for a while there and i felt like i was on top of the world.  my ego was more than satisfied.  when i looked in the mirror, i saw confidence, power, love, and, happy and healthy good energy.

i didn’t always see that when i looked in the mirror.  and when we walk around as metaphorical mirrors, we don’t always like what we see.  and some people particularly don’t like mirrors – especially ones other people shove in their faces, you feel me?!  i have had some issues with a couple people in my every day life circle, and i began to realize – when i stepped outside the box – that we were not really that different.  what i didn’t like in those people, i didn’t like in myself. those annoying qualities that i “saw” in them, were really my own issues i had yet to address. so what can i do about that? i can’t change them, i can’t change their reflection in my mirror.

all i can do, is change my own reflection.

and you can, too.

when i bought my coconut water at work yesterday, my change appeared to me this way.

one thing i also miss about new york is the magical messages.  if you were having a bad day, feeling alone, etc. – all you’d have to do is take a trip on any subway… and you’d walk past a million little messages similar to this. someone clearly wrote on this dollar bill – and i doubt they had ME in mind when they did, but the universe knew when to give it to me, to rekindle my love affair with it.  the universe told me it loves me – through a piece of paper, this time.

🙂

and my favourite lyric from michael jackson’s famous song is :

“you gotta get it right, while you got the time – cause when you close your heart, then you close… your mind.”

dear readers, keep your heart open – always keep it open, PLEASE!  i will promise to do the same.

Tags: life, love, meaning, ramblings, the universe, thoughts, words