Archive | 11:27 am

{whatever wednesday} — being OK with being okay…

26 Sep

so… here’s the thing about me… or at least, here’s how things have typically been for me…

although i see the world as very “gray” — i LIVE it very black and white.  what i mean by that is… it has appeared that for me i’m either super high and on top of it creating world peace the whole nine… OR, i’m super down and depressed feeling useless and hopeless and thinking even the flowers are out to get me… there is hardly an in between. seldom did i feel comfortable, content, “in a groove,” or most of all – peaceful.  that wasn’t always something i could FEEL and feel okay with…

i suppose this stems from a shaky childhood and the survival instinct of maturing faster than most due to losing a parent.  it could also have to do with my astrological chart, or the fact that i am a very very impatient old soul… but the truth is, it has always been hard for me to find a balance, or to find some comfort, some love, and some peace in the every day.  i speak of this in past-tense now because i can, because i am confident in saying that i no longer live like that.  i’ve spoken a handful of times now on how i feel i’ve changed over the last year, and am continuing to.  i’ve written about not only feeling the change but seeing it actually play out.  i make conscious choices each day to effect how i see life.  what’s frustrating is when i see people in life for who they are, and all they want to do is fake it — it’s just annoying, because i want to be like “you ain’t foolin’ me” but… i have to be a friggin’ politician about things sometimes and i’m kind of over that…

i digress, as usual. Continue reading

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