{whatever wednesday} — just a rant about life… and living.

19 Sep

i’ve been thinking a lot lately.  about a lot, lately.

i don’t always have time to sit down and write – and i’m not even writing, i’m typing.  how did people WRITE back in the day?!  this is the kind of stuff i think about… i mean, i know how they did it – it just baffles me when i think about the fact that they did. it blows my mind how much we’ve advanced and yet how much we lack basic knowledge of what i would consider “common” things… for example, basic writing. at one point in our human existence, we had to take a pencil or pen and a whole ream of paper and sit and write what would now be viewable on a 30 plus inch screen.  what gets me all rant-y about it all is that we have no idea how great we have it… we fill our lives with meaningless crap and other people’s ideas of what “life” should be. and LIFE is so very simple, so very easy… if we can but let go and realize that we aren’t living it, IT is living through us… does that make sense? well, at least this is what i believe.

we get to breathe every day.  do you know how much has to exist, work together, and create inside of our bodies for that to happen? it’s ridiculous!  i wish i could go back to like, what? – 9th grade science – and learn all about the human body again… and really pay attention this time.

or just go the library and get a huge book on it.

or google the $h!t out of it.

anyway… the human body is so completely amazing and fascinating to me. i was on this documentary kick for a while… and i watched one on netflix about the incredible human machine.  it was amazing and it made me want to be a scientist or something. for us to even take a breath – which by the way, we do like a million times a day, and without even thinking about it  – SO much has to be in sync within ourselves… so much LIFE has to happen before we can actually LIVE.

mull that over.

anyway… this post was supposed to be about something else.  but i guess this is still somewhat relevant to what i’m saying overall…

we’ve advanced so much in technology and all kinds of other ways over the years, that i feel like we have forgotten what LIFE actually is.  i mean, i don’t know if it was watching adam ant cross my back yard, or finding francis the praying mantis in my bushes and watching her take a bath – but i have felt really really connected to life in a different way over the last few months.  i mean – that praying mantis has the same compound makeup that i do… her LIFE is the same as mine, in that she has atoms, molecules, all kinds of other unbelievably intricate means of a structure that forms what she is.  but it’s all the same inside, just like me. LIFE is all the same.  what we have to do to LIVE is basic, simple, and completely alike – whether it’s a daffodil, a lobster, or your great aunt gertrude.

am i making sense?!  are you feeling me?!

i feel a REAL change within me lately — i mean, it’s actually been happening for about 8 years now… i can almost pinpoint the exact moment — i was sitting on my counselor’s couch at 3 o’clock in the afternoon – one of the first things out of my mouth that day was, “something BIG is around the corner, i can feel it.  i don’t know if it’s just something big in my personal life, or something collective, but i’m feeling it!”

over the last 2 years that feeling has only increased.

what i find fascinating – and perhaps it’s more surprising than anything, since i know myself so well – is how calm i feel.  i’m not worried about what’s going to happen, i’m not stressed about it, i don’t quite feel the need to freak out or wipe the shelves of the grocery store clean, but i FEEL something is about to happen.  my intuition meter is on overdrive.  and at one point in my life, i wouldn’t know to trust that intuition… or i would tell myself i was silly for “feeling” something… not anymore.

remember how i talked about having horrible depression?  well, i don’t like mentioning it really, however it can sometimes be relevant to prove a point. there was a time when i literally wanted to die.  i wasn’t suicidal, but i wanted to die.  i just wanted to be “home” — to be with god, angels, love, light, peace, all the things i was NOT getting here on earth.  i wanted to be in another dimension, in one i felt more comfortable in.  and the internal battle i struggled with during that time was outlandish!  i felt like i could’ve gone crazy.  but the only thing keeping me SANE was knowing somewhere deep down inside, that what i felt wasn’t weird or silly, and i hadn’t been the only one feeling that way. i knew that if i was ever going to make things better, i had to push that darkness out, and let the light shine through… i just didn’t know HOW – and deep down somewhere my soul KNEW that the pain i felt wasn’t just my own, it was collective.  the collective consciousness – the strife of the human race, i felt it. i still feel it, i’ve just found a way to channel it better. i’ve evolved.  and i AM evolving… LIFE is evolving through me…

during that time, and after my cleanse, i actually think a part of me DID die. and that’s not a bad thing. i believe i had to “let go” of the mind – which is the only thing that separates us from most other forms of “life,” by the way — i feel we struggle listening to intuition because we are always told to THINK about everything.  we are rarely encouraged to FEEL.  which is complete BS in my opinion.  if we learned to FEEL our way through life more, i think we’d actually LIVE a lot more…

my “rebirthing” process – *shudder* boy, was it ugly at times.  had i had the gall to do it, i would’ve written more about it.  but the idea of sharing that pain with others was too much – i couldn’t give it more power than it already had, even if it meant relating… my soul knew deep down that i had to die a little, and then be reborn a little… only THEN could i talk about it with true love and conviction… only then did i see LIFE differently, and only then could i start LIVING…

it’s time to evolve.  and LIFE is evolving… with or without us…

personally, i’m pretty pumped about it.

i’ll close with a quote i found that i love :  “we make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we GIVE.”

— so get out there, people – and start handing out some love like it’s free of charge!  i promise you it will change your life 🙂

5 Responses to “{whatever wednesday} — just a rant about life… and living.”

  1. mylifeisthebestlife September 19, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    Hey Toots! I LOVE YOU! And you HAVE changed my life.


  2. Linda Willows September 19, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    I am feeling you. I really love you. I am so with you!


  3. inphotomd September 19, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    I feel you, I totally feel you…and I miss you like crazy!


    • cooking with audrey September 21, 2012 at 8:45 am #

      i’m so glad you do. and i miss you — i think i may actually being going crazy from missing you…


  4. anthony0358 September 21, 2012 at 11:22 am #

    thank you for sharing this with us


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